When it comes to failed relationships, it doesn’t really matter WHEN it officially ended. This is because for some people, being apart is just that period at the end of a sentence that’s been long written already.

For instance, if you broke up last week but have not been ‘connected’ the past few years already, then perhaps the pain that comes from a failed relationship is not so bad. On the other hand, if you were so deep into the relationship, then maybe you are still mourning the loss even after breaking up almost a year ago.

In short, it’s not the date of the break up that matters. It’s what was broken that causes people a lot of questions as to how to move on with life. Hopefully, the following tips will help you do exactly that.

Don’t Forget the GOOD TIMES

Try not to hate your ex. You see, anger and hate are negative emotions that only really harm one person: you. So instead of trying to devise ways to ‘get even’ or find out how you can hurt the other person (as much as they are emotionally hurting you), take a step back and try to recall the good times.

Remember what it was that made you two RIGHT for each other at one time in your lives. Do you really regret that 4-hour phone call? That romantic dinner? The fact that he/she was beside you during a time of loss?

Doing the above exercise will help you simply appreciate the time that was past. It’s not meant to rekindle anything. Think of it as enabling you to look at the other person and wave goodbye with a smile.

Acknowledge the Reason for Ending the Relationship

After feeling good about your past relationship, it’s time to acknowledge why you are no longer together. This is not so you (or the other) can lay blame on each other. This is to help you put closure on your relationship with the other person.

By acknowledging why you cannot be together anymore, you’ll be able to move on without always wanting to look back.

It’s Time to Focus on YOU

One of the worst things you can do after a failed relationship is this: go directly into a new one. You need time to heal whether you realize it or not. And more importantly, you need to focus on yourself.

A lot of people find it hard to move on after a relationship because they have lost themselves into it. So use this time to know yourself better, to invest in your own skills and pretty much just nourish yourself back to a good emotional health.

Good luck!

A lot of us feel loneliness at certain points in our lives whether we want to admit it or not. And sometimes, it’s ok to give in. Wake up late, stay in bed, and just let the feeling wash over you. But the operative word here is ’sometimes’.

You see, it’s VERY easy to fall into a deep hole of loneliness and depression if you let yourself go down that route. So the key is to give yourself time and space… and then kick your ass out of that dark place!

How to Deal with Loneliness

Meet Others

Nothing will happen if you close the curtains and stay indoors. The way to beat loneliness is to do one thing and one thing only… be with others!

Of course, you can be physically with other people and still feel lonely. But oftentimes, this is the case if you’re not really into what you are doing. For instance, if you hate say, blind dates, then don’t go into one just to meet someone.

Instead, take a step back and re-assess the things that do interest you. For example, if you’re into yoga, join a local fitness group. If you’re into computers and technology, perhaps you can join a course that can further this hobby. In short, put yourself in situations where you can meet people who like the same things you do.

Make Some Changes

Sometimes though, loneliness is born out of too settled routines. For example, been living in the same house that’s been coated the same paint color for years? Move house then! If that’s too drastic a step for you, then consider refurnishing instead. You’ll be amazed at what a new lick of paint and few changes can do to revitalize your mood and energy.

Help Others

Another potential reason for loneliness is this: a lack of purpose. If you’re feeling like your life is not having a lot of meaning lately… VOLUNTEER. And no, it’s not selfish to do volunteer work so that you can feel better about yourself. It’s something that you SHOULD feel good about in the first place. Reach out and help others. You’ll be surprised at how much it can help you in return.

Lastly, if you do feel lonely and depressed for days at a time, do seek professional help. There is absolutely no shame in this. If you are in a dark place that you’re finding hard to climb out of, then seeking a professional is your best gift to yourself.

If you own a business then perhaps one of the hardest things you are encountering today is low staff motivation. Since we are facing tough times, a lot of business owners find that their employees are not very productive or motivated at work. this can be due to problems at home or the lack of security in their jobs.

In fact, one business owner friend of mine told me the other evening that the situation is a bit weird. Employees are scared to lose their jobs and as such, to prevent that they end up jobless, spend a lot of time trying to brush up their skills, update their resumes, and look for potential jobs elsewhere. All this effort is targeted everywhere BUT their existing jobs, which of course frustrates the hell out of business owners!

So if you are seeing this restlessness in your own employees, here are a few things you can do to keep employee motivation high.

Communicate.

A lot of de-motivation at work nowadays is due to fear of the ‘unknown’. As such, be sure to communicate with your staff honestly how business is going these days. They may be worried over something that does not exist at all and it’s your duty to inform them so they know what to expect.

Note that you don’t need to come up with useless, time-wasting meetings to be held every Thursday morning. You can just schedule one big company meeting. But be sure to tell them in advance so they can prepare any questions they may have.

Seek their opinion.

For every employee that may be itching to leave, there’s another one that’s itching to stay and help things improve. Seek these people. Be open to ideas they may have.

For example, a friend of mine in the travel industry said that instead of laying off employees, their company decided to cut salaries for everyone by 15%  in exchange for a reduction of 15% in office hours. This was favored by everyone and he soon started telling his buddies, which in turn relayed this to their companies.

Reward.

When it comes to ‘rewards’, a lot of business owners think that if they cannot give something monetary, then there’s no reward to give. This is not true. A lot of employees want FLEXIBILITY. So why not ‘reward’ good performing employees with a flexible hours or the ability to work from home, say Wednesdays?

Show you care.

People want to be with people they like, and thus work for companies they like. Don’t just be ‘the high and mighty boss’. Make sure you touch base with them a lot. Know their names, ask about their partners or kids (and mean it!), and eat at the same canteen.

All of the above will help you increase motivation at work. Remember, it’s not all about money. Good luck!

Yesterday, we discussed a couple of things you can do to stay motivated with your diet and fitness plan. I started off the list with the ‘diet part’ and seem to have run out of space for the ‘fitness part’ so do allow me to address that part in more detail here. So here we go…

5 Tips  to Stay Motivated With Your Fitness Plan

OWN the number on the weighing scale.

Didn’t Oprah say this one too? That’s right. No matter how much it ‘hurts’ get on that weighing scale and own the number you see. If you’re not honest to admit your current weight, how can you realistically plan on losing it?

Set a fitness milestones and rewards.

Once you’ve admitted your weight to yourself, set a realistic goal and break down the steps to achieving it. Set certain milestones too. For instance by the time you’ve lost, say, 4 pounds, at the end of the month, treat yourself to something nice!

Rope in a fitness buddy.

People who like to exercise a lot are a rare species. So don’t beat yourself up if you often find yourself not wanting to exercise. One thing that does help though is this: having a fitness buddy.

It’s easier to stay motivated if you can share the agony – and the joyous results later – with someone. Besides, we all need someone egging us on and who better than someone on the same boat?

Prepare in advance.

Don’t give yourself an excuse not to exercise. So at night, lay out your fitness clothes on a chair beside your bedroom, set the alarm at at appropriate time… and place the alarm on the chair so you’re forced to get up and shut it off.

Join an online (or offline) fitness community.

If you need more motivation or simply want to share your experience, then by all means join an online or offline fitness community. this is just another way of committing to your goals. By letting others know what you want to achieve, it motivates you more because what you’re doing is so ‘out there’ and known by others.

Joining a community also gives you access to certain people and tools that you may not normally have access to otherwise.

And lastly… just keep on going! The decision to lead a happy and healthy life is taken a day at a time. So if you do miss out on exercising today, forgive yourself and pick up where you left off tomorrow.

Yesterday, I started to discuss how you and your partner can get over relationship obstacles easier. I began with some basic fundamentals or facts that you and your partner should… well, accept really because it never really is HIS FAULT or HER FAULT alone.

Following are a few more tips that will hopefully help you both see you through a rough patch and so you both stay motivated in your relationship.

Ask Yourself What You Did Wrong… and What You Could Do Right

As I mentioned before, relationship problems are oftentimes born out of two shortcomings coming together. So take a step back and examine what you may have done to aggravate the situation. And then – more importantly – what you can do now to make things right soon.

A lot of people in a relationship don’t want to ‘give in’ to the other. Most of the time, this is because they are afraid that they will look weak to the other so they ‘toughen up’ and don’t give in, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Well, in the end, all this really does accomplish is extend the negative situation, right?

So, seriously, consider making the first move to make up. The sooner you guys are happy together again, the better!

More Moving Forward Tips…

Let’s assume you guys are ok now. Try to learn from this recent relationship obstacle. Often, such challenges reveal that you need to have more time for each other and that you need to improve your communicate with one other. So try the following.

• Make sure there’s at least one ‘date night’ every week. It doesn’t need to be extravagant; a movie, a walk to the nearest cafe; a dinner at your local pub; whatever. The point is to have ‘alone time’.
• Try to have at least one sit-down, special dinner at home once a week. It’s important to have this sense of wanting to do something special for your partner (and vice versa) at least once a week. Most couples find that they actually look forward to these nights more than they think they would when they started.
• Look around for new hobbies you can pick up together. A couple I’m friends with decided to buy a Wii console and realized they were having so much fun playing with each other and spending time together.
• Plan a long weekend away together at least every other month. Not only do you need time to be together but you need time to be AWAY from the daily grind of things.
• Be more experimental when it comes to intimacy. A lot of couples who’ve been together for awhile find that they settle into a certain ‘routine’. This often paves the way for boredom and so it’s easier to reach for a book or watch TV than to be intimate. Spice things up in that department by trying new things and techniques and you’ll surely strengthen your bond.

These are stressful times and the one thing that you should strive to ensure is stable is your personal relationship. It should be a strong foundation to tide you throw whatever it is that life throws your ways.

It’s a very challenging time for millions of people everyday. And you would think that with all the uncertainty at work, you would at least be able to rely on your personal relationship to be strong. But alas! that’s not the case sometimes.

It’s not really surprising if you realize that there’s a lot of stress between you and your partner. After all, we are influenced by everything that occurs around us. And so, for instance, if you’re not happy or are too stressed at work, one way or the other, that stress will invade your personal life. So what do you do?

Accept this Fact: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Here’s the funny truth: men expect women to react the same as they do and of course, vice versa. So neither of you ‘get’ each other, And if you don’t get each other, you cannot communicate properly. If you cannot talk and communicate to each other, bingo! your relationship starts to become a mess.

So before you proceed further, accept the simple fact that men and women are different. Different needs, different tastes, different emotional levels, different stress levels, different ways of telling what they want, and so on.

And here’s something that if we all accept, the world will be a better place.

Ladies, men are NOT mind readers. If you want him to do something, ASK IT. He’s more capable of addressing something tangible than ‘a thought in your head’.

Men, women really need to know they’re not talking to a door. If she talks to you, asks you something, or shares her feelings… RESPOND. She’ll appreciate you more and communicate more with you what she really wants if she knows you listen.

It Really Does Take TWO to Tango!

When we get into a fight or argument, we all love to think that it’s the others’ fault. Often though, it’s a tale of ‘two shortcomings coming together’. You or your partner (or both) may be very angry and you can’t think clearly so be sure to give each other space. And then, when you’re alone, think about what just happened. Try hard to take out the emotion and just play back in your head what led to the argument. Was it really something serious?

Oftentimes, people argue and the ARGUMENT is far, far bigger than the thing being argued about in the first place. When you realize this, it’s like cold water being poured over a fire, isn’t it?

By giving each other time to calm down, and think about what just happened, you’re better able to see what really went wrong and how YOU contributed to it no matter convinced you were before that it was all your partner’s fault

Well that’s it for now. Tomorrow, I’ll continue with this theme and give you more food for thought so that you can get over unhappy times with your partner more easily.